strange obsessions

Lately a lot of my time has been devoted to thinking about  the future, in particular MY future. Somehow my strange obsessions in life revealed themselves to me... clear as day... like never before. I pretty convinced that I don't really know myself. All I do know is that there are many sides to me. Good thing? Bad thing? We'll have to wait and see. My obsessions have slowly started to help me see these different sides. Maybe I will pick one side and be content with life, like I wish I could be. Maybe I will actually get to know myself.

So here they are: (I'm a list maker as you can tell from previous posts.)

1. Travel. I find the world a fascinating place. I want to see more and do more things. I want to experience different cultures and food. I want to meet interesting people that will inspire me in some way. I don't want to  stop travelling and live a scheduled life in the real world.

From Flickr (coz I don't have the skills.. yet!)

2. Fashion. Can you believe it? ME? FASHION? My outer appearance would never even give you an inkling of a thought that says "She's into fashion. She's stylish." BUT in my mind I adore the fashion industry. It may be as material (excuse the pun) an industry as they come, but I appreciate the theatricality of it. It's big, strange, colourful, dull, clean cut, challenging, provoking, pretentious and so much more. It comes in so many forms of media. Photography, film, television, runway shows, red carpets, in every day life... It would be great if my outer appearance could convey my feelings toward fashion.

3. Weight. I think the only time I was happy with my weight was when I was 12 or something. I have tried to look a certain way for MANY years, but I think I have been too lazy to do anything about it. I start a diet or fitness regime of sorts, but I never follow through. I LOVE food too much! I'm too ashamed to write more about this.

4. Photography. Not just any type of photography. I am obsessed with photography that has taken time to produce and shows a really skilled photographer. Photography that captures moments and not deliberately posed photographs are beautiful. I think the human face has A LOT to offer the eye. I would love to do be that type of photographer.

5. Doing something good. I feel that I should redeem myself after the more most shallow obsessions I could have had. I have been involved with volunteer organisations for about four or maybe more years over my life span. It's been one of the best parts of life. I really want to continue with volunteering or working at an NGO in South Africa.

After all this, I am just as confused as before. Oh boy! What to do? What to do?!